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If our dog doesn't like you we probably won't either
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Oops! Did I Just roll my eyes out loud
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Sometimes I laugh so hard the tears run down my leg
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A true friend is one who makes you laught so hard you pee a little
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Jumbo jigsaw piece with easel
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Sometimes the thoughts in my head get so bored they go out for a stroll through my mouth. This is rarely a good thing
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I don't have a bucket list but my fucket list is a mile long
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My 'give a fuck' is still broken
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Hangry Large Log Slice
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If I can hear you chew, I have fantasized about your death
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You never know what you have until it's gone, toilet paper, for instance
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It's hard to find a friend who's cute, loving, generous, sexy, caring and smart. My advice to y'all is don't lose me
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Our family is just one tent away from a full-blown circus
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I'm not really a control freak but....can I show you the right way to do that?
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Love is not having to hold in your farts anymore
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Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them
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I walk around like everything's fine, but deep down.... in my shoe, my sock is falling off
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Sometimes my biggest accomplishment of the day is keeping my mouth shut
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Our phones fall, we panic, our friends fall, we laugh
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Boobs the proof that men can focus on two things at once
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Some people say their body is a temple....mine is a bouncy castle
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The kind of friendship where a single look at each other sends us both into laugh attacks
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Short people we maintain a great perspective on life because we're always looking up
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Sometimes my biggest accomplishment of the day is keeping my mouth shut
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